


Avengers Assemble Meanderings

by Khanada



Series: Marvel Meanderings [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 17:17:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14898728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khanada/pseuds/Khanada
Summary: A long time ago (in a galaxy not so far away) I came across an internet site called the Fringedweller’s Guide, which sadly appears to have been swallowed up by a black hole. It offered an often very amusing running commentary on Stargate episodes (among other things) and appeared to be made up of the musings/thoughts triggered by events/dialogue in each episode. I thought I would offer something along those lines for the MCU.As ever, I suggest you watch the movie before reading this … and then while reading this.Marvel Avengers Assemble AKA The Avengers (Not John Steed and Emma Peel! No Sean Connery with a weather machine either! How anyone could get a team of super-powered misfits muddled up with a guy with an umbrella and a bowler hat is beyond me, although I now have an image of Phil Coulson with a bowler hat and black umbrella stuck in my mind!)





	Avengers Assemble Meanderings

Oh look – it’s “Hydra’s secret weapon” swallowing up the Paramount symbol

Mysterious voice over.

Those are pretty stairs!!

LOKI!!!!

We can do lots of things other than burn, thank you very much!

And apparently the Tesseract can be in more than one place at once because it appears to be swallowing the Paramount mountain, while floating in space, while in a super-secret base somewhere on Earth.

Helicopter flying across the base is so pretty in 3D!

Joint Dark Energy Mission? Joint with what?

PHIIILLLLL!!!!!

Would look even cooler with a bowler hat and umbrella!

Oh look, it’s Fury! He’d look cool in a bowler too.

“How bad is it?” Ummm bad enough that they got you out of bed for it and brought you to a place that they think might be about to blow up? Fury, you need new employees! Ones that aren’t apparently trying to get you killed!

“Wasn’t testing it. Wasn’t even in the room” and you still think it’s a good idea to test this?

‘We’re getting everyone out – but decided to call you in’ 

“There may not be a minimum safe distance” But you were probably safer where you were before they called you in!

“The Tesseract is misbehaving” Makes it sound like a naughty child, they should tell it to go to its room. Oh wait, they’ve trapped in some kind of device. Can you blame it for misbehaving?

And, of course, a guy decides that the Tesseract is female “She’s behaving” … I wonder if they referred to the Tesseract as male when it wasn’t misbehaving?

“Nothing harmful, low levels of Gamma radiation” I thought this guy knew Banner? And he doesn’t think Gamma radiation’s harmful????

Yay!!! It’s snarky arrow guy!!!

And, it’s snarky arrow guy that works the metaphor of the doorway to space and figures out it can be opened from the other side. Does beg the question, how did they know it was a doorway to space? Was there a secret security camera on the Valkyrie, that they found when they found Steve, that recorded what happened when Red Skull picked it up? Or have the families of a few unfortunate SHIELD employees been informed that their loved one has decided to become an astronaut and has been sent off into space very suddenly (leaving out the part about going into space WITHOUT a suit … or a spaceship) … or maybe that they met with an accident while travelling on one of Stark Industries’ private jets (well they do have such a bad safety record!)

That’s right, just stand there while the Space Cube starts to blow up, instead of … oh, I don’t know … RUNNING!!!!

Phew! It was lucky no one was standing over there – could’ve been messy!

LOKI!!!! He’s steaming a bit!!! And looking a bit psycho – maybe people should run away rather than walking towards the steamy guy who just appeared out of thin air with psycho eyes!

What is it with people in the MCU with a COMPLETE lack of self-preservation instincts??

“Put down the spear” – I’m sure that’s not going to turn into a running gag!

Okay, seriously! How many guys did Loki take out – while being shot at? And they still think shooting at him will work????

Hawkeye diving out of the way of the blast (and guy behind him gets hit)! FINALLY!! Someone with survival instincts!!! 

Although, while his other hand is free, he doesn’t really fight against Loki, even BEFORE he’s whammied with the Glowstick of Destiny.

Oh, that’s not a good sign! Smartest guy in the room putting his gun away – yes Fury – RUN!

“Please don’t” Hee! He’s come to conquer the planet but he still (initially) decides to be polite.

“I am burdened with glorious purpose” Yeah, it’s such a burden! What is it with Loki and burdens? First the “burden of the throne” now the burden of “glorious purpose”. 

“Brother of Thor” Love Loki’s reaction!!!

“An ant has no quarrel with a boot” Probably because ants actually have survival instincts (apparently unlike most of the people in the MCU) and know that they will lose!

“You planning to step on us?” Nice working of the metaphor!

Free from freedom … ummm 

“Like the pharaohs of old” Well, no! Because the pharaohs were rather dead when they were buried!!!

So, Hawkeye’s pretty handy with a gun too.

And Hill initially just lets them walk out??

How is Fury not being sucked through into space?

Underground car chase! Lucky that car didn’t catch fire when it overturned – otherwise they would’ve all been rather toasty!

Big explosion … is big!

Fury jumps out of burning helicopter, and still manages to survive … REALLY???

What do we do? Well – thankfully there’s a load of special people with super powers you can call upon … lucky that!

“Marvel Avengers Assemble”, not just “Avengers” because apparently there was some worry that people in the UK might confuse a load of high tech Americans in colourful outfits with a VERY British man in a bowler hat carrying an umbrella, and a woman in a catsuit (okay, POSSIBLY people might have confused Emma Peel and Black Widow?! But ONLY because of the catsuit! I doubt anyone would confuse any of the other characters with John Steed. Oh I NEED to see Steve Rogers in a bowler hat and dapper suit carrying an umbrella now!)

Yay!!! Widow! After how she dealt with those guys in Iron Man 2 I’m REALLY not worried for her – there’s only 3 of them!

“The Famous Black Widow” and you only brought along 2 guys … I agree with Widow’s later estimation ‘Moron’!

Moment of tension, and phone rings! ‘It’s for you-hooo!’

“I don’t, give, everything” Widow’s look – ‘Really? Yup moron’!

Interesting hold music … Hee. Phil ‘dancing’ to it while he waits!

And she remembers to pick her shoes up – because she’s smart.

Ummm Widow – if Stark’s in his suit, he can probably throw you quite far!!!

“You get the big guy” I think I would pause too!!!

Dr Banner being an actual doctor ... sweet.

Because standing in an open space clearly turning away from an oncoming car isn’t conspicuous at all.

And I now have an image of Hulk doing yoga. Hee!

“What if the other guy says no” “You’ve been more than a year without an incident…” oh goodness – It’s like that “Days without incident” sign isn’t it! You just KNOW there’s going to be an incident now!

“Swallow it?” Hee!

“I’m sorry, that was mean” Ummm yes it was!!! 

Little head clear before Widow radios her guys.

It looks like the chickens had frozen still until the guys put their guns down – they’re probably clucking to each other afterwards ‘Humans! Coming here pointing guns at us while we’re eating! How rude!!’

“Just you and me” Little amused look – start of something?

“He can’t be working alone” Why not?? Did you see what he achieved on his own immediately after travelling from the other side of space???

“The Avengers Initiative was shut down” Did we ever find out why?

“War isn’t won by sentiment” no “You win wars with guts” … or soldiers.

Oh look, it’s super-soldier Steve, nice segue.

Steve, what did that punch bag ever do to you?

Anyone else want to give him a hug?

Flashback! (Just in case you’re not watching them back to back.)

Hmmm. PTSD?

“Oh My God! This guy’s still alive” Okay. How can he remember someone saying that if he was ‘unconscious from the ice’? Raises that HORRIBLE question again of ‘Was Steve aware of, or at least semi-aware of, what was going on around him all that time in the ice’? 

‘Damn! (Language!) Broke the punch bag. Lucky I brought some spares with me!’

“Hydra’s secret weapon” ‘Great! I died trying to stop it and you IDIOTS bring it back into play!?’ Can’t blame him for sounding and looking a bit fed up!

Love that he looks up when told that Howard Stark looked for him – that’s sweet!!!

“He’s … not from around here” Understatement!!

“10 bucks says you’re wrong” Oh Fury, taking advantage of the until recently frozen man. That hardly seems fair!! Plus, unfortunate turn of phrase, I think Steve would be happy with just 1 Buck… Of course, Steve never actually says he’ll take the bet, and yet …

“You should’ve left it in the ocean” … and suddenly we’re in the ocean … because you can never have enough blatantly obvious segues!

That shot flying towards the tower looks so impressive in 3D.

“Like Christmas, but with more … Me” Hee! (And nice little set up for later.)

“I’m not in. I’m actually out” At the moment – but, oh look, you’re walking towards the door.

“Stark Tower is your baby. Give yourself 12% of the credit” Ummm, if it was ‘her baby’ surely that should be, maybe, 50% of the credit? 

“Teeming with sweaty workmen” and Pepper doesn’t look too unhappy about it.

“Not going to be that subtle” Hee.

“You have reached the Life Model Decoy…” Except I thought those things hadn’t actually been invented in the MCU yet and wouldn’t be for another few years?

“Then leave it urgently” ‘Okay!’

“His first name is Agent” Poor Phil! Why is Stark being pissy with him. Actually, it does annoy me how much more obnoxious Stark is in this film that in the 2 Iron Man movies that preceded it.

So, he doesn’t like being handed things … except by Pepper.

Anyone else think that Stark’s maybe a bit narked that he didn’t qualify?

“What if I didn’t?” ‘But you do!’

Phil’s little blush and look away – he’s too sweet!

That is a big crater!

“Banner thought Gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine’s original formula” Did he try Vita Rays first or did he – like Ross/Blonsky – COMPLETELY ignore the ONLY ingredient THEY ACTUALLY KNEW ABOUT!!!

“Didn’t really go his way, did it?” Master of the understatement!

How do you describe Stephen Hawking to someone who’s been buried in ice for 70 years? “He’s like a smart person” Ummm No! Phil! He isn’t LIKE a smart person! He IS a smart person (was)! A VERY smart person!!!

“I watched you, while you were sleeping. I mean, I was present, while you were unconscious from the ice” Because that sounds so much less creepy!

“Oh, you are. Absolutely” ‘and I’m not fanboying at all! Honest!’

“Things that are about to come to light” What, like the fact that you guys decided to mess with the Space Stone (that then created a ginormous crater somewhere) that you (somehow) knew was a doorway to space but HAD NOT figured out that that meant it could open from the other side??? Yup, I agree! People might prefer a little old fashioned – like maybe NOT MESSING WITH STUFF YOU CLEARLY DON’T UNDERSTAND!

Underground lair – must be bad guys!

Poor Loki, he’s gone from being ignored/mocked by his brother’s friends – even when he was ON THE FREAKING THRONE OF ASGARD – to being bullied by Thanos’ underling.

“The rightful king of Asgard”. I do wonder if people do tend to forget that bit. It was Odin that threw Thor out, which made Loki his heir when he fell into the Odinsleep. Irrespective of what Loki then did with that power, he was actually in that position legitimately. Okay, that doesn’t excuse what he did, but …

“Betrayed” – yup – by his “dad” who welcomed back the son he had cast out – who was actually, technically, a hostile force invading Asgard at that point … and also by the brother who, technically, invaded his kingdom.

“I don’t threaten” ‘so I’m just going to point out that you’re kind of powerless until I do my thing!’

Well duh! A barren moon wouldn’t exactly be a good place to hide, would it? Wouldn’t be anything for him to hide behind/under! Would be pretty easy to find him on one of those!

Poor Loki

I love the way Phil introduces Cap. He is SO doing a happy dance inside that he’s actually introducing his hero to someone!!!

Did they have trading cards in the 40s? (quick look online says ‘Yes’) I wonder what Steve makes of being a set of trading cards!? That must be weird! And I bet he probably collected cards himself. (If Bucky let him. ‘No, Steve! STEP AWAY from the trading cards! You might hurt yourself on them! Paper cuts are BAADDDDD’!)

Steve looks at Banner and sees the genius scientist rather than the monster and puts him at ease.

“Only word I care about” ‘because I don’t judge people just because they got in an accident involving Gamma rays’ (unlike Thunderbolt Ross!)

“Is this a submarine” Ummmm really??

“They want me in a submerged pressurised metal container?” Okay, Banner! Come on! Steve wondering if it’s a submarine is one thing, he’s been on ice for 70 years, but you know what a submarine looks like. Does it look like a submarine?!

How are they not getting sucked into the engines?

And again, Banner! Come on! How is being way up in the air, on a ship that has planes on it that people could use to fly away (and possibly parachutes) if you Hulk out and start wrecking stuff, worse than being however far under sea level inside a pressurised container where people will have no way of escape (because those planes aren’t going to be much use underwater) and will drown horribly if you Hulk out and start wrecking stuff??

And Steve honours the bet he didn’t even actually agree to!

Like candy from a baby.

Hill watches him walk past (who wouldn’t?)

How much do you reckon Steve actually understands of what they’re saying?

“It’s more than knowledge, it’s truth” Someone’s been taking something!

“My next target” – hard-arse Hawkeye has no time for truth and knowledge.

“…and an eyeball” He would get on SO WELL with Rocket!!!

SITWELL!!!

And back to trading card talk again! They’re not going to be important later … honest!

“He’s not exactly hiding!” And that doesn’t ring alarm bells, because …??

“Captain. You’re up” And Steve takes a deep breath there. (Is it wise to send someone with clear PTSD into battle with a god (small g)?)

That screen says 100% match? I thought he said it was 79%?

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the exact timing of the music to the actions on the screen?

“Kneel before me” Okay!

“I said, KNEEL!” Alright, alright – no need to shout!

Interestingly, he’s not actually wrong about it being simpler to be told what to do.

“It’s the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation” No! That’s the Tivolians.

“You were made to be ruled” Again. No! That’s the Tivolians.

“You will always kneel” “Not to men like you” He’s not a man, honey!

“Let him be an example” A pretty good one, I reckon!

“You know, the last time I was in Germany, and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing” Did you knock him out over 200 times (without help)???

“The man out of time” I love that epithet. It just sounds so … cool (and reminds me of a couple of storylines where he is actually not in our time continuum).

Okay, seriously! Steve! The point when he didn’t even flinch when you punched him REALLY should’ve been the point that you ran! He’s not a punch bag!

I wonder what Steve’s thinking when AC/DC starts blaring across the sky! ‘What the hell is that?’ (Language!)

“Make a move, reindeer games” – horns? Reindeer? Get it?

“We’re low on time” (a) time to what (b) how do you know that?

“What’s your thing Pilates?” “What?” It’s like calisthenics” Right because that makes everything SO MUCH CLEARER! 

I remember watching this for the first time, not understanding why Stark is IMMEDIATELY so rude to Steve. It’s not Steve’s fault that Howard was a bad dad! Can’t blame Steve for being a bit short with him. Still don’t understand to be honest.

“I’m not overly fond of what follows” Poor Loki does actually look scared. 

And here comes Thor, because the god of thunder following lightning isn’t yet another segue at all.

“We need a plan of attack.” “I have a plan – attack!” I’m not sure that’s what he meant! 

“These guys come from legend. They’re basically gods” but you’re okay with Stark facing them on his own and don’t think he could do with the back-up??? Widow, he must have really irked you!

“And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that” So how does he dress then?

At least he does actually put on a parachute … this time … Although I think that’s possibly the last time in the MCU that we see him do that.

Thor trying to save his brother. 

“I remember you tossing me into an abyss” Ummm. No he didn’t, you let go!

“You come home” aaah Thor sounds so heartbroken there.

“You think yourself above them?” “Well yes” love his confusion at the notion that he could be anything other than that.

“Listen well, brother” “I’m listening” LOL!

Would Thor get the reference to Shakespeare? Do you think the Asgardians would pop down to Midgard to visit The Globe theatre for the latest Shakespeare play each time?

Loki settling in for the evening’s entertainment.

And this time electricity charges up Iron Man’s suit, because there’s none of the audience will have seen electricity shorting out Iron Man’s suit in Iron Man 2. Unless the suggestion is that he fixed that little issue between the 2 movies (what’s the timeline here? How long after events of Iron Man 2/Incredible Hulk/Thor is this playing out? Isn’t it only supposed to be, like, a week???) 

Surely headbutting a metal helmet would hurt Thor more than it would cause Iron Man any problems?

“Hey! That’s enough” ‘As far as actually being conscious in the world goes, I’m far younger than both of you, but I’m taking command here; so you boys better do as I say!’

“Put that hammer down” yup, DEFINITELY DO NOT tell an Asgardian to put down their weapons – they REALLY don’t like it!

“You want me to put the hammer down?” Ummm yes, he did just say so!

Hee. Vibranium versus mystical hammer forged in a dying star – vibranium wins!

“Are we done here?” Yes! Looks like!

Oh WOW! Thor’s hair isn’t absolutely perfect for a change. Did he run out of hair products when the Rainbow Bridge got destroyed?

And Loki hasn’t run away when he had PLENTY of opportunity … which surely should’ve told them he was up to something, but ‘hey – let’s take him back to our secret flying fortress anyway!’

How does Loki know what Banner looks like when he’s not big and green?

Oh, come on! Seriously? The moment Fury says what happens if you “scratch that glass” you KNOW someone’s going to scratch that glass and that it won’t be one of the bad guys! It’s like the ‘Days without incident’ thing again.

“Ant! Boot!” nice callback!

“It’s an impressive cage!” – I always think of cages as being metal-barred things – that’s more of a glass box really.

“Built for something a lot stronger than you” A LOT stronger (puny god!)  
“Steal a force you can’t hope to control” Why not. He is a god! He can probably control it a lot better than you!

“A warm light for all mankind to share” God that line sticks out like a sore thumb! Sure it won’t come up again later!

“Let me know if Real Power wants a magazine or something” ‘so we can say tough luck!’

Does anyone watch that scene and NOT think that Loki is FAR too happy and confident for a bad guy who’s just been caught by a bunch of superheroes? Surely, they must realise that he’s playing them?

“He really grows on you doesn’t he!” – Poor Banner – just been reminded about ‘the other guy’ and trying to self-comfort with a bit of forced humour. He needs a hug. Look at his body language.

Cap being captain.

How does Thor know exactly where Loki’s been and what his intentions are? I mean – okay, Heimdall may’ve picked it up, but if they knew he was alive and where he was (for long enough that they knew his intentions) wouldn’t they’ve gone to pick him up sooner from wherever?

“An army. From outer space” ‘because you messed with Hydra’s secret weapon. Someone put me back in the ice now! I am SO DONE with this!’

“He’s a friend” who you met for a couple of days, tops, and he spent most of that time trying to get rid of you (when his colleague wasn’t hitting you with her car or trying to give you food poisoning with her dodgy crockery habits… or referring to you as a thing!). This must be a new definition of ‘friend’ I was not previously aware of. 

Widow more worried about Hawkeye than about some scientist.

“You can smell crazy on him” I wonder what crazy smells like?!! Leather and metal … and Asgardian hair product?

“He’s adopted?” Got to be one of the best lines in the film – and the delivery, hee!

Phil desperately trying to get away from Stark. ‘I’ve just got to go over here, away from you and a conversation I’m clearly not comfortable with.’

“No hard feelings, Point Break” snort.

“Jib the topsails” I’d probably look at him funny too. Okay it’s a ship – but does it look like it has any sails????

“That man is playing Galaga” – or, if you had the BBC Micro version, “Zalaga”. 

Got to love Steve turning to look. I wonder what on Earth he thought he was going to see, given that he completely missed that part of computer gaming history.

Stark being obnoxious to distract from the fact that he’s planting hacking devices.

“Finally. Someone who speaks English” “Is that what just happened?” I’m afraid I’m with Steve on that one!

“…And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster” ‘because I have serious issues and can’t just give anyone a nice compliment!’

“Thanks” Poor Banner!!!

“I don’t know about that, but it is powered by the Cube” Nope!!! No it isn’t!!! (a) He was blowing stuff up with it BEFORE he grabbed the Tesseract. (b) He blows stuff up with it when he doesn’t have the Tesseract with him. And (c) … well… ‘Spoilers’!! Fury. You’re wrong!

“I do! I understood that reference” Poor Steve! So SO happy to FINALLY understand something someone’s said!!!

“Shall we play, Doctor?” Yup, Steve’s right with what he says later! Everything IS a game to Stark.

Love that the random guy in the back takes that as an okay to go back to his computer game (well it is a brilliant game!)

Tech speak. Is techy.

“All I packed is a toothbrush” Did “Don’t forget your toothbrush” make it over to the US? Or maybe Banner caught an episode or 2 while he was in hiding.

“You’d love it, it’s Candy Land” What’s not to love about Candy Land?

“The last time I was in New York, I kind of broke Harlem” No you didn’t, honey; that was The Abomination. Stop being so hard on yourself!

“No tension. No surprises” ‘SURPRISE!’

“Are you nuts?” “Jury’s out” but based on the evidence of what he’s just done they’ll probably find him guilty when they return a verdict!

“Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn’t funny. No offence, Doc!” And still with the adorable treating Banner so politely and kindly.

“His secrets have secrets” I love that description of Fury!

“I just want to finish my work here…” ‘and not get involved in whatever Alpha Male pissing contest you guys have going on’

“Doctor?” already showing leadership qualities, listening to all the team rather than just the loud obnoxious one who’s presuming to talk for someone else who is perfectly capable of talking for himself. Yup, Stark’s “Actually, he’s the boss” comment in Age of Ultron is exactly right!

Poor Banner’s so clearly not comfortable about giving his opinion here. The look to Stark and the hesitation before he starts talking. Anyone else get the impression he thinks his opinion isn’t worth anything? He needs a hug again!

And there’s that “warm light” line again.

“I think that was meant for you” ‘Here, have a blueberry as your prize’

“That big ugly …” Hee! The look on Stark’s face. Robert Downey Jnr doing his ‘speech without words’ thing again ‘Oi! How DARE you insult my tower!’

“What are they doing in the energy business in the first place?” Hee! Man has a point! I think that deserves another blueberry!

“Blueberry?” Could you imagine if Stark was actually able to win Steve’s silence with a fruit?

“Historically, not awesome” Understatement!

“We have orders. We should follow them.” Wow are You going to change your tune!!!

“Following’s not really my style” Wow are YOU going to change YOUR tune too!!!

“You’re all about style, aren’t you” It took you that long to figure that out?

“Of the people in this room, which one is, (A) wearing a spangly outfit, and (B), not of use” (A) of course he’s wearing a spangly outfit he’s the ‘star spangled man with a plan’. He wouldn’t be spangly without the spangly outfit (and in fairness to him he did comment about the outfit!) and (B) how is he not of use? He’s already a better and more natural leader for the Avengers than you, honey!

“Steve, tell me none of this smells a little funky to you” first name terms already – shows how comfortable Steve has made Banner feel.

Oh yep, it smells funky to him!

“What he’s got is an Acme dynamite kit” So, if Loki’s Wily Coyote, who’s the Road Runner?

“It’s going to blow up in his face. And I’m going to be there when it does”‘Meep meep’ (I guess that answers that question then).

“I don’t get a suit of armour. I’m exposed. Like a nerve. It’s a nightmare” Maybe someone should just permanently stand next to him with a hug ready!

“Because I learned how” “It’s different” Understatement! The arc reactor doesn’t make Stark turn into an enormous green rage monster. 

Stark actually showing a rare moment of sensitivity and swiping all the measurements to one side so he can show Banner he’s focusing on him while they’re having a serious face-to-face. Doesn’t quite make up for the unkindness earlier, but it’s a start.

“The Hulk, The Other Guy, saved my life?” That pause is so telling!

“You may not enjoy that” “And you just might” Ummm nope! He’s just said that turning into The Hulk is a nightmare! Weren’t you listening?

Steve breaking into a storage room. Love the look behind him before he goes in, AFTER he’s broken the door open. What would he have done if Fury had been standing there? ‘Captain? What are you doing?’ ‘I’m just breaking into this room, you don’t mind? Do you?’

Is that safe? Doing science-y stuff in a moving vehicle? What if it brakes suddenly? The iridium and/or God knows what else would go flying! Clearly these people have never heard of “Health and Safety at Work”

Yesterday? They moved her yesterday? And she didn’t think that the speed was at all suspicious?

“Eric is a good man” ‘when he’s not trying to get rid of me’

“He talks about you a lot” What on earth does he say? They met for like 5 MINUTES in the scheme of things!!! 

“You changed his life” ‘Made him believe in myths and legends about gods (small g) and monsters. The man hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep since because of the nightmares’

“changed everything around here” which is (in fairness) why SHIELD is building super weapons.

“They were better as they were” Yup! You said it!

“Huge, scaly, big antlers” and you call them bilge snipe? Isn’t a bilge a part of a ship? So, do they live on ships? How big are the ships to have “huge” animals with big antlers running around them?

“You don’t have those?” “I don’t think so” Hee. I think we’d know if we did!

“They are repulsive. And they trample everything in their path” In a ship???? 

“In my youth, I courted war.” ‘because I’m SO OLD now!’ Moment of introspection from Thor, because he’s growing as a character and is becoming more the God of Thunder rather than the “King of Spoiled Brats” nice little character beat. He actually sounds regretful.

“It’s not just power he craves, it’s vengeance, upon me” Could that possibly be because you, technically, invaded his kingdom illegally; are friends with people who mocked him EVEN WHEN HE WAS ON THE THRONE; and, oh yeah, engaged in a fight with him that ended with him falling through space (okay you didn’t “toss him into an abyss” and did try to save him, but …)

“A lot of guys think that, until the pain starts” yes but, as Loki pointed out in Germany, he’s not like other guys!

“Then why do I feel like he’s the only person on this boat that wants to be here” Ummm, because he is?

“There’s not many people who can sneak up on me” Yeah, but she’s Black Widow. She can pretty much do ANYTHING!

Sorry, is he saying that he thought Fury and Widow would play “Good Cop, Bad Cop”, and that she’d be the Good Cop????? Really?!?!?!? Surely those two would be more “Bad Cop, Worse Cop!”?

“I’ve expanded his mind” ‘except he’s a hard-arse who has no time for knowledge and truth!’

“Love is for children” and adults, dear, otherwise there wouldn’t be any children. No wonder she and Hawkeye get on so well, they’re both tough boots.

THAT insult. How did it get past censors and into a 12A film?? MAGNIFICENT delivery of it though.

And the tears turn off – because Widow’s a consummate actress and has just COMPLETELY wrapped Loki right around her little finger and led him EXACTLY where she needed him to go – without him even realising … and he’s a god. (Okay, a ‘puny god’ with a small g but still.)

Yup Loki – you’ve been played!

Hee! Good old-fashioned investigation (breaking and entering) beating “new and exciting science” – oh yeah Stark – Steve’s totally not of use – except he beat your tech to it – even with the tech having had a headstart.

“Sorry, computer was moving a little slow for me” Hee!

“I was pretty well removed” That is what is commonly known as an understatement!

“Because of him” “Me?” all confused and innocent.

“…hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned” yes I always find being outgunned hilarious.

“and you’re not the only threat” When was Thor a threat? When he was being run over by his girlfriend? Or potentially poisoned by her? 

Nope, Loki was not drawn to the Tesseract by their work with it. He would’ve been sent for it anyway, even if it had still been hidden in a secret drawer in Norway.

“A nuclear deterrent. Because that always calms everything right down” says the former weapons manufacturer.

“Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark.” ‘Daddy gave it to me!’

“Captain America’s on threat watch?” and that’s while he’s being a regular Boy Scout.

“Stark, so help me God, if you make one more wisecrack…”well it’s about time somebody said that.

“Arms and ammunition. Over” well that’s not actually a lie.

“Why shouldn’t the guy let off a little steam?” Ummmm because he would tear the ship into little itty bitty pieces if he did???

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist” love Widow’s little ‘not bad’ shrug!

“You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play” Do you think those words are ringing in Stark’s ears when he makes the sacrifice play later? Or in Steve’s?

“Always a way out” Stark and James T. Kirk would get along so well! Is there an MCU equivalent of the Kobayashi Maru test that Stark had to cheat to pass?

“You better stop pretending to be a hero”…’or else!’

“Everything special about you came out of a bottle” Everything except his compassion, courage, loyalty, patriotism… you know – the stuff that made him volunteer for the experiment in the first place.

They’re all taking it in turns to be wrong about something.

“Put on the suit. Let’s go a few rounds” I wonder who would’ve won if they had gone at it at this point. (No Bucky. No Extremis. No Friday…)

“But you can’t. I know. I tried!” I always wonder what the other characters are thinking at that point. Do you reckon Stark has any remorse at all about trying to provoke him now?

“Banner. Put down the sceptre” unlike Asgardians, he actually does.

“Sorry kids you don’t get to see my party trick after all” And I’ve now got an image of Banner at a children’s party, Hulking out and trashing the place. Not sure if children would be traumatised for life or if they’d think it was the best party ever.

“Put on the suit. Let’s find out” “I’m not afraid of you, old man” (you should be!) “Put on the suit” – okay Cap sounds pissed off!

“Put on the suit” – I love the change in tone that completely changes the meaning.

“We lose one more engine we won’t be” True, but you’ll have a hell of a lot more to fix at that point!

“We’re okay” Spoke too soon!

“Bruce. You’ve got to fight it” What do you think he’s doing?

“I swear on my life” Maybe not the wisest turn of phrase.

Bruce turning to look at Nat as he Hulks out. Initially, he looks so scared that I wonder what would’ve happened if she had given him a hug at that point.

Widow – seriously – the guy has just turned into an enormous green rage monster. Why are you stopping to look at him until he turns around and looks at you?

Hee – Loki’s smile – yup. God of mischief!

“We’re flying blind” You have a whopping big window RIGHT in front of you!!! Can’t blame Fury for sounding a bit fed up!

“…tell me which relays are in overload position” And Steve’s going to know that how??? Do they have big labels saying “Overload” on them?

“It seems to run on some form of electricity” hee!

“Well you’re not wrong” Wow ! Did Stark actually pass up the opportunity to be a further [beep] to Steve.

Thor to the rescue.

“We are not your enemies Banner. Try to think” Right, because that’s going to calm him right down!

“The relays are intact” Cool – but are they in overload position?

“reverse the polarity” ‘of the neutron flow?’

“Speak English” I’m still with Steve on that one!

Thor is enjoying beating Hulk up far too much!

Hee – Hulk can’t lift Mjolnir!

Phil walking around looking completely calm while it all goes to hell around him!

“Target acquired. Target engaged.” Immediate dehumanisation of Banner.

“Target angry. Target angry” The phrase ‘No shit. Sherlock’ springs to mind!

I don’t know why that plane blowing up is funny – but it is!

Lucky Steve made that jump really. Long way down otherwise, and he doesn’t have a parachute. Oh wait. That’s normal for him.

“They’re not getting through here” Famous last words.

I want one of those arrows!

“Are you ever not going to fall for that” Hee! He sounds genuinely curious.

Widow versus Hawkeye. 

And here we go. Someone ‘scratched that glass’ Didn’t see that one coming. Oh wait. I did!

“The humans think us immortal. Should we test that?” Hee!

Philll!!!!!!!!!

“Move away please” ‘Well, since you asked so politely.’

“You like this” ‘Yes I do. Can I have it?’

“Even I don’t know what it does” Well it’s gun shaped so it probably shoots things!

Really don’t understand why they edited the spear point out. I don’t remember it being too terrible at the cinema and it just looks really weird without it.

Loki gesturing to the spear point like he’s saying ‘look what I did’ That’s just mean!

Love the expression on his face when he pushes the button though. He actually looks genuinely curious as to the outcome.

Cognitive recalibration!

Poor glass box. Didn’t really stand a chance against Thor did it!

Did the hammer hit him when it came down again as they bounced along?

“Your floating fortress falls from the sky” So “floating” isn’t really the best description of it then, is it?

“Where is my disadvantage” ummm hate to break it to you but you’re on that falling fortress too!

“So that’s what it does” Yup! Shoots something. Told you.

“Not an option” ‘Oh! Well then. I’ll just stay alive with a gaping hole in my chest then. I’ll be fine!’

“It’s okay, boss. This was never gonna work if they didn’t have something to … [avenge]” well duh – bit silly calling them “The Avengers” then isn’t it – because it automatically demands that bad things have to happen for them to avenge.

“These were in Phil Coulson’s jacket” – lying liar who lies!!!

“I guess he never did get you to sign them” What?? When?? While Steve was stopping Stark and Thor from destroying the local foliage???? or while he was hanging out the back of the Helicarrier by a cable??? That’s just unnecessary emotional guilt tripping. 

“The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea. In heroes. Well, it’s an old-fashioned notion.” Can’t help wondering what’s already happening with Coulson’s body at this point. Has Fury already got people trying to bring Phil back to life? I have problems with that speech now that we know what then happened/was happening to Phil.

Is Thor wondering if the hammer won’t accept him?

“You fell out of the sky” ‘and I decided to stick around and check out the big green scary rage monster because I have no sense of self preservation (like everyone else in this movie)!’

‘Nobody around here to get hurt’ Except him.

Hulk was awake – and the security guy didn’t run???? Yup zero self preservation!

Beautifully positioned bit of masonry there. 

“Well then, son, you’ve got a condition.” No. Really????

Love the psychedelic colouring while Clint comes round. 

“Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Pull you out and stuff something else in? Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?” He looks so vulnerable there.

“Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard on the head.” “Thanks” ‘because concussion on top of psychedelic mind control is JUST what I want!’

“How many agents did I...” He needs a hug too!!!

One small scene but I completely buy that these 2 have history – explains her reaction to him being taken earlier.

And it is Steve that’s gone after Stark, Guess he’s just a glutton for punishment then!

And, what a surprise, Tony gets all shirty.

“He was out of his league. He should have waited” Waited for what??? It’s not like there was anyone else actually free to confront Loki at that point.

“Sometimes there isn’t a way out” ‘If you’d actually done the Kobayashi Maru test, you would know that.’

“We are not soldiers” Ummm. Hate to break it to you Stark but Steve IS a soldier!

Stark figuring out what Loki’s up to.

“That was just previews. This is opening night.” Love how Steve offers up a metaphor and Stark runs with it.

“He wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered…”

And Steve couldn’t have said ‘sounds like someone I know’ more clearly if he’d actually used words.

“Son of a bitch” What did Frigga ever do to you?

“Go where?” “I’ll tell you on the way” and she just goes with him? And Hawkeye just goes with him when they haven’t even actually previously met? 

Hee! Thor charging himself up like a battery. Is he actually the Duracell bunny? Can he just keep going and going and going and …

“Son, just don’t” I bet, if you minus the ice nap, that guy’s not actually that much younger than Steve!

I wonder how much those cards were worth and Fury just went and dipped them in someone’s blood???

“She wants to show us something! A new universe” oh okay – still using female phraseology then.

Is it sensible to take your armour OFF when you’re walking towards a psychotic god?

“Actually, I’m planning to threaten you” ‘consider yourself threatened!’

“You should’ve left your armour on for that” “Yeah. It’s seen a bit of mileage” ‘and I thought I’d check out what Banner said about being exposed rather than in a suit of armour.’

“Would you like a drink?” Oh yes, that’s very threatening!

“The Avengers” ‘The who now?’

“Let’s do a headcount here. Your brother, the demigod” (and again with Loki’s reaction! Hee!)

“A super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend” Is he describing Steve with the ‘living legend’, or himself? (Because if it’s a continuation of the description of Steve, then he doesn’t actually include himself in the list – which is interesting.)

“A man with breathtaking anger-management issues” Hee! Understatement!

“We have a Hulk.” Oh I am NEVER going to be able to hear that line the same way again now after Infinity War!

“Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we’ll avenge it.” Love that line!

Seriously, why doesn’t Loki just try pointing the spear a bit further down (or up) when the arc reactor gets in the way the first time. I mean – it’s a mind control thing right?? Wouldn’t pointing it a person’s forehead be just as effective, if not more so, than right in the middle of that person’s chest? And if there’s a bit of tech stopping it from doing its thing there, surely you would try somewhere else?

Also, seriously, why does Stark just stand there while Loki tries to whammy him?

Wish the suit had knocked Loki out of the window. That would’ve been funnier!

“His name was Phil.” Oh so he DOES know his name then. Pity he couldn’t actually admit that to the guy while he was still alive!

“Right. Army” ‘from outer space!’

The fight scenes really do look impressive in 3D.

So, these people have the right idea. Scary things come out of the sky so run into the nearest building – the visitors to Jurassic World who don’t dive into the nearest building away from the pterosaurs could learn a thing or 2 from these people!

Hee! He’s in the process of taking over the world so Loki decides he’d better look the part and puts the horns on.

“Turn off the tesseract or I’ll destroy it” Why is he even giving an option? Surely he should just destroy it?

You’d really think after however many hundreds of years Loki would’ve learned by now that he’s not going to win in a fight against Thor.

So. Hawkeye. Sees better from a distance, not too unhandy with a gun and a pretty good pilot too, manages to land a crashing plane without extra casualties. Is there no end to this guy’s talents?

How did the animal growling get all the way down to Earth through the hole? Do sound waves travel in a void? Also, is it just me or does it kind of look like the Great A’Tuin in that initial shot? I fully expect to see 4 pachyderms standing on its back when it flies through!

Also, when it’s diving headfirst down from the sky, how is gravity having no impact on that thing?

Poor Steve. You just know that he’s thinking. ‘Someone put me back in the really big fridge! Now, please!’

“Stark. Are you seeing this?” ‘Nope! I’ve suddenly gone COMPLETELY blind. Sorry, you’re on your own!’

Poor Thor. Still trying to get his brother to do the right thing, and he just gets stabbed for his pains.

Bit of an over-reaction really! I mean sure, you may not like sentiment, but stabbing someone for showing it?!?!?

Did Loki know there would be someone there to give him a ride when he rolled off that building?

“They’re fish in a barrel down there” ‘I’ll get my fishing rod!’

Again. Love how Hawkeye just immediately follows Steve’s lead.

“Just like Budapest all over again” One look at Hawkeye’s face says ‘Nope! No, it isn’t!’

“Why the hell should I take orders from you?” Ummm because he’s a Captain? He’s THE Captain??!!! Alternatively, just watch him take down a load of aliens, including taking an arm off one of them. “I need men in those buildings…” Hee!!

“Well, we got his attention. What the Hell was step 2?” Ummm, RUN???!!

Yay!!! Banner!!! Much prefer Banner to the Hulk. I think he’s far more of a hero. Hulk can, for the most part, just smash anything that gets in his way, but it takes real bravery/heroism to turn up to fight aliens untransformed. Especially when, the last time you saw the people you’re turning up to help, you tore their ship apart!

“No. We could use a little worse” Love Banner’s reaction to that!

“I don’t see how that’s a party” That’s because it isn’t! Stark was just being obnoxious (not change there).

“How do we do this?” “As a team” Steve you barely even know each other’s names – you’re being a little optimistic don’t you think?

“Now might be a really good time for you to get angry” Might be useful, yes!

“I’m always angry” Makes no sense! Surely, he would always be big and green if that was the case?

And ‘Deux ex Machina’ appearance of Hulk. It jars somewhat! Still cool though!

‘It’s raining alien! Allelujah! It’s raining alien! Amen!’

Why does that alien pull its mask off to yell at the Avengers? 

THAT tracking shot of them in a circle. Goosebumps every time!

Loki dispassionately ordering the rest of the army in… too cool.

Cap being captain!

“Light the bastards up” LANGUAGE!!!!

Love how he gives everyone indepth orders and then, “…And Hulk! Smash!”

Also got to love how Hawkeye can hold a conversation with Stark, giving him advice, while shooting an alien WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING!

Those poor people! Alien coming towards the window in front of them from outside. Hulk coming at them from behind!

Why are they still standing near the window?

Maybe it’s not about guns.

“Are you sure about this?” “Yeah. It’s going to be fun” This must be some new definition of ‘fun’ I was not previously aware of!

And Widow is still just TOO cool!

Hee Cap and Stark working together – nice!

And Hawkeye still going with the ridiculous shots!

Hulk and Thor working together … and then … that punch still makes me laugh!

Oh – the good doctor’s been cognitively recalibrated!

Cap to the rescue.

Why does the alien scrabbling for the grenade and then getting blown up by it make me laugh so much?

“…but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I have elected to ignore it” Lol!!! Understatement!

“I send that bird out, we already have” Yup!!! Too right!

And Widow does not need to ask Hawkeye for help twice…

Loki catching the arrow, looking at it, looking at Hawkeye so smugly/condescendingly and then …

“Enough. You are, all of you, beneath me! I am a god you dull creature. And I will not be bullied by...” Loki’s face! Still absolutely priceless!

“Puny God” – every time – giggles!

Okay, so Loki’s sceptre may cut the Tesseract’s power… because of what it actually is???? And now I’m wondering what would happen if you had one person wielding one and another the other and they fought each other… would the 2 cancel each other out???

I still half expect to see giant pachyderms standing on the back of the alien creature whenever the camera shot starts at its head.

“You ever hear the tale of Jonah?” “I wouldn’t consider him a role model.” Wise words!!!

I wonder what Stark’s just seen!

And then he sees the Shawarma joint … how can he be hungry after he’s just been eaten? Surely it would put you off food?

FINALLY! Hawkeye runs out of arrows! How that didn’t happen sooner with the rate he was shooting them off is anyone’s guess!

And he’s still just TOO cool!!!!

Hulk having a smashing time (sorry) until finally the Chitauri show some intelligence and come against him in numbers – because that’s not going to make him even angrier…

“…we have a rogue bird. We need to shut it down” how do you ‘shut down’ a bird? 

Man versus plane. Man wins.

I wonder what happened to the pilot when he got back to the helicarrier. Do we think he was Hydra?

“What, are you getting sleepy?” ‘No. But my hair’s a mess and I need to go and fix it. Know any good hairdressers around here?’

Man versus missile. Man wins!

“Stark, you know that’s a one-way trip” And what was that you said about him not being the one to make the sacrifice play?

And while all the SHIELD crew are cheering Fury’s possibly actually realised Stark may not be coming back. Good. At least someone did.

Okay Stark, seriously! I think you can let go now!

And all the aliens suddenly drop as if they’re robots that have been switched off… someone’s been watching “Star Wars: Episode I”!

Phew! That was close!

Hee! Hulk holding Iron Man like a ragdoll.

Yep, I think that would wake me up too!

“What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me.” Oh like you’d mind!

“All right. Yay! Hurray. Good job, guys.” Hee!

“And then shawarma after” seriously how is he able to think about food when he’s just been food?

That shot of all the Avengers versus Loki. 

“I’ll have that drink now” oh will you??? Is it still on offer?

Yay! Stan Lee cameo.

“This was their fight. Where are they now” Damn senators – tell you what, Love – next time they’ll just stay home and let the megalomaniacal god take over the planet with his army of killer alien robots. To quote Rocket to Groot “They ARE ungrateful!”

"Breaking News. New York Crisis. Disaster Averted. Avengers – Friend of Foe?” Yes, foes do normally put their own lives on the line to save an entire city from killer alien robots … oh please!!!

“I would want to say thank you” So say it then!

Hee. Steve looking at the Tesseract as it’s put into a device to remove it from the planet. Facial expression couldn’t say more clearly how much he dislikes that little blue box!

“I didn’t make it. I just didn’t argue with the god that did.” Wise move!!

“Why?” “Because we’ll need them to.” I just don’t think that answers the question.

Love that Stark immediately starts designing the tower for all of them to live in, and the little logos for each apartment.

And it seems right that the last person we see on screen in the main bit of the movie is Iron Man considering he’s the one that started all of this.

Even cooler that the last shot we have is of a letter A, conveniently the last letter standing after the fight, because of course that tower’s not going to become the Avengers Tower (I wonder if Steve still thought it was a big ugly building when he was living in it). If it had been the R that was left would they’ve renamed themselves “The Revengers”?

Love the graphics during the first part of the credits.

Mid credits scene. “They are unruly, and therefore cannot be ruled” well that is what unruly means!!

“To challenge them is to court death” That line was definitely thrown in for the comic book reader fans.

Post credits scene. How damn tired do they look?!?! Cap looks like he’s falling asleep. Sleep eating! We’ve all been there. 

And how many viewings did it take for me to notice that Hawkeye’s got his feet up on Widow’s chair! It’s the little things that show their relationships with each other.


End file.
